u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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