i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
