I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
