So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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