Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
