"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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