"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
