So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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