what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
