3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
