My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
