Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
