What a fucking waste of an outfit
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
