Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
