I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
