Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
