I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
