You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
