there's paper in my vomit.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
