PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
