I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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