When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
