Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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