Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
