Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
