Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
