I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
