Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
