Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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