My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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