i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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