you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
