He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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