Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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