i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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