No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
