there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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