well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
