the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
