So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
