Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
