Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
