I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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