You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
