I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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