You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
