she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
