fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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