Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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