Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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