i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
